A Feminist’s Guide to: Arguing on the Internet

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a feminist in possession of Twitter must be in want of a knife.

With the ever raging battle between Laura Bates’ Everyday Sexism Project, Caitlin Moran’s raw, undecorated wit and the ever-growing HeForShe army led by Field Marshall Emma Watson and her “Fuck Yeah”-inducing UN speeches, against a nameless crowd of nay-sayers, fights break out every minute of every day across the Internet (because what is the Internet for if not porn and telling strangers that they’re wrong).

Feminists (both female and male) like you and I are oft to jump to the defence of our ideals, in a moment of sudden, unrelenting rage, the physical effect of which can only be achieved by one word – “meninist”.

Pick your battles

When it comes to Social Media, there’s an abundance of Twitter Twats starkly defending their right to comment on women’s choices and paradoxically insisting that “we’re already equal!”

The real argument lay in the Men’s Rights Activists or “Meninists” – those who pre-prepare twenty thousand ways to ask “so when is International MEN’S Day? Fnar, fnar” (it’s November 18th) and respond to any and all attempts at reason with requests for sandwiches.

It’s difficult to tell, buy these guys are actually crying out for you to correct them. They crave it. It’s scientifically proven* that all angry tweeters just want to be loved – present your case in 140 characters or less and they will see the error of their ways.

Alternatively, save your feminist gusto for those whom are truly mistaken, and not the egg-faced berks who are there for the sole purpose of watching you squirm.

Presenting your case

When arguing with these self-proclaimed maninists, ensure that you first diffuse the situation with a subtle joke about their endowment – something like ‘your penis is demonstrably small and statistically underused’ – whilst waving your vagina proudly in the air. This ought to gain their respect.

Keep the flame burning

It’s easy to let every single one of these plonkers boil your blood to the point of no return – and very possible that you’ll respond to each and every tweet…

Unless, of course, you wish to remain sane. Yes, meninists are dicks (or cunts, let’s not be sexist here) – but 9 times out of 10 their one true goal is to piss us off. Strap on your lady-balls (which are actually small vaginas), take a deep breath, and let it go.

There are still so many important things feminism needs to achieve, and your voice is just as important as the next. Twitter is an incredibly powerful tool if used properly – don’t waste time on the trolls. Keep fighting the good fight, and let’s make a real difference.

Of course it’s forgivable to slip from time to time, and drop a witty quip before floating away on a rainbow cloud of farts.

*May not be real science. May be made up.

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