12 Things You Learn From Going to a Catholic All Girls’ School

By Nancy Bellis

1) All boys are evil. Except for Jesus.

2) Teacher: “This term we are studying sexual education” translation: “we will spend 6 weeks of learning about intercourse, but only the part that relates to baby making. Which of course you can only do if you’re married. To a man.”

3) After begging parents for singing lessons as an extra-curricular activity, you find that you will only sing hymns. There will be no pop classics here ladies.

4) In physics, Fe somehow stands for iron. In a Catholic girls school, PE somehow stands for netball.

5) Lessons are only 40 minutes long due to the five minutes used to do the register and say the school prayer. This is how we learn to truly appreciate prayer.

6) Teachers will ask you to lift up your jumper to prove your skirt isn’t rolled up, because apparently they don’t realise that teenagers actually grow taller during their time in secondary school.

7) You will never care what you look like as there is no one to impress. Not even yourself, because vanity is a deadly sin. (Unless of course, you’re meeting boys after school.)

8) Mark’s Gospel is the way, the truth and the life. Breath, sleep and read it until it’s imprinted in your mind.

9) You will never be particularly bothered about starting your period during school hours.

10) A mobile phone going off during mass can be disguised by having 20 students simultaneously coming down with a terrible cough.

11) On non-uniform days, the dress code is still enforced. Hard.

12) Everyone has a crush on at least one male teacher, even though there’s only a handful to choose from and they’re all middle-aged or older.

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